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Have you ever felt bad to join a thing that doesn't really fit your thoughts?

I think it should be "Yes." as the answer. I was and still thinking about many things like that.
And one of them is the crowds.
Don't want to make anyone assume something bad about me, but I've tried so hard to not joining that kind of stuff.

When you're just being happy to share laughter with them, it feels like you should be one of the main reason they and you are laughing.

Like, you will do things, pretending to them, to get good image. Even it's not really good enough because it's out of your real-self.

At that moment, when crowds open their new perspective up about myself, I feel satisfied. It's exactly that time when they were thinking that I will never do Z thing, but then I just did that Z.

After seconds, minutes, hours, days, it feels so wrong. Totally wrong. Their new perspectives of me can be the main weapon to kill my so-called-good image.

Btw, most of that thing is something bad. Because everyone thinks that I will always do good, then I did vice-versa like saying bad-connotation words etc.

But, well, as easy as my mind caught up by the situation, it has happened and nothing can be changed from it.

I always have a chance to improve myself better next time.
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