Falling-out-love and Identity
Sometimes I cannot help but heavily dislike the way human brain responds to romantic situation. I dislike the way that our urge to reproduce blurs our sights. I mean, why the hell should we switch the way we make our justification? Yes, the way we love is useful for the sake of heredity yet it often attaches a lot of pain within. I dislike the way those biochemical thingy happening inside of my brain.
The process of falling out love always makes me ponder: whether that version of me (the blurred one) when I was falling in love is “me”? I confuse my identity, for I don't feel like it's “me” (seeing the tragedy from the present perspective). Still, I cannot argue that those subjective experiences weren't real. Those were real. I loved someone. I said things that will later cringe me. For all the things that happened, I confuse my identity.
As for identity per se, I often confuse on deciding which entities that, if I point that entity, I would be totally sure that it's “me”? I contradict myself a lot. It's easier to say “experience isn't what happens but how we give meaning to what happens” than to really grasp it, for there are these weird set-of-consequential-feeling that feel innate (the contradiction lies here and there).
Yet here we are: trying our best to survive. Stay sane! 🍃❤️
Bonus catatan yang gue tulis pas lagi putus cinta:
**LEARNING FROM THE PAST RELATIONSHIP**
Di kasur tadi, gue jadi kepikiran hal2 yang harusnya jadi pelajaran buat gue dari past relationship:
1. Ngikutin intuisi berapi-api saat lo jatuh cinta itu gak sepenuhnya bener. Mikir pake sistem 2, yang logis, yang rasional. Seimbangin, paksain.
2. Caritau worldview seseorang bener2. Lo tau lo itu cenderung ########, kenapa lo maksa buat into belief-nya dia yang selama ini jadi bahan bercandaan lo sendiri? Don't be hypocritical. Buat fundamentals kayak gini susah diubahnya. Plus pandangan dunia mendasar penting karena ini awal dari pandangan-pandangan turunan yang seseorang punya.
3. Be honest, bukan cuma ke pasangan, tapi ke orang sekitar. Gue sadar, gue udah fully honest ke pasangan saat itu. Bahkan, gue ceritain semua keresahan gue selama k######### g##### dan lain-lain. Tapi, gue gak fully honest ke kakak-kakak pembina ###### pas lagi konseling ditanyain alasan gue mau "mencari #####", gue ngarang banget jawabnya, muter-muter karena ngehindarin bilang "demi pacar", yak sebucin itulah.
4. Listen to advices. Inget gak mama lo udah bilang gini, "kamu yakin #######?" bahkan lo dibercandain ini-itu. Lo harusnya dengerin dia yang bener2 tau lo itu gimana. Meskipun akhirnya dia ngeliatnya fine2 aja karena katanya "Soalnya mama liat kamu semangat banget, jadi yaudahlah asal kamu seneng" when padahal deep inside gue gacocok banget sama ###-thingy concepts.
5. Hati-hati sama keputusan tergesa-gesa saat otak lagi irasional. INI PENTING BANGET PLIS. Jangan ngeremehin keputusan besar dalam hidup, apalagi yang berkaitan dengan fundamental principle dan hal2 krusial dalam hidup.
6. You're not a ######. Deal with it. Stop the denial. Live with it. Embrace your ####. Ini salah satu your reasons buat putus selain fundamental worldview tadi.
7. Senyata apapun perasaan cinta lo di awal, itu cuma lasts 3-6 bulan, sisanya komitmen. LO PASTI GABAKAL NGERASA FALLING IN LOVE SELAMA2NYA. Pasti ada masa lo kesel, bosen, otak lo adaptasi sama suatu keadaan. Ini penting karena komitmen itu practically gak semudah bacotannya. Inget kalau to love is to teach and learn.
8. JANGAN CARI PELARIAN.
9. INGET kalo orang datang-pergi itu biasa. Deal with it. Cuma ya sebisanya make it less hurtful dan jangan banyak2 putus-nyambung.
Sekian dan selamat hidup!
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