Weeks before this era, I was still processing my reckless choices. I thought that they were the representation of my feelings. Well, it turns out that it wasn’t. But back then, I looked at you. It felt so weird that I might explode.

I loved you that much. We did a lot of night talks. We did a lot of deep talks. We did way a lot of funny jokes. I might wonder that we were perfect. You were perfect, I wasn’t.

There came the day where we met at Lippo Mall Puri. It was actually a forced task. I was just going to your place by my bike. I was just visiting the mall. Deep inside, I knew that I was looking for something. That something was you. Luckily, you were having a free time. You were about to buy something so you came to my place. I saw you, you saw me. We were strolling around the mall, and we told ourselves some jokes that refer to our virtual conversations. We were having fun. I was awkward. We ate Yoshinoya. We talked about Covid19 until I realized that I was wearing the wrong mask. You were too shy that your face were not facing at me. Then, I thanked the janitor. We went home. I waved and felt like I didn’t want to go. That was surreal.


Then we virtually talked. We planned things. We talked a lot. I was in love. I didn’t know how were you. You were almost never saying anything on how you feel about me.

There came the second day where we met. I took a train ride to go to Rawa Buaya Station. We met there. You were riding your bike. You were half-angry due to the temperature. I was going to the wrong exit gate. Then, I said sorry. We were going to explore Alam Sutera just as planned. We went there by going through weird rural areas, for you accidentally set the Google Maps app to avoid main roads. Until then we were arrived and you were a little bit upset because your t-shirt was all wet. I said that it was OK. I tried to cheer you up. We then enjoyed our IKEA tour and ate the famous meatballs. We shared the egg tarts. You said that you loved the egg tarts very much. I was happy. We were seemed so happy. We then finished and went to the exit door. We were stopped by the security because you wrongly brought the STNK. You brought car’s STNK instead of that bike’s STNK. Then the security man was so kind and let us go by capturing my KTP and the bike’s number. The weather was so hot.


Here came the second place. Living World Mall. You planned to buy a pair of shoes. We wasted our time trying to find the right shoes yet we didn’t really choose any. You asked your mom a lot on her advices. That's the thing that I often do, too. We then went to the cinema and decided to watch a movie. We watched the Candyman movie. We thought the movie was so confusing. I hold your hands all the time in the cinema. We were so flirty. Then, we finished. Something strange happened there. You were my first experienced romance. That was actually my first time in doing that specific stuff. I later thought that I might do it all wrongly.

Here came the third place. Broadway Alam Sutera. We enjoyed our time there. We ordered two pizzas. We chilled. We took pictures. The toilet was so cool (there were two ACs there). We had sat for a long time on the wooden park bench. We ordered an ice cream. We shared one cup of ice cream while sitting at the park. That was surreal. I was deeply in love. We were so happy. Well, at least I was. We then finished and took pictures by using the provided tickets.

We went home by firstly going to Rawa Buaya. At Rawa Buaya, I was so happy that, deep inside, I didn’t really want to leave. I waved goodbyes a lot and said be careful. Then I went home by train. You went home by the bike. We arrived home and you sent your picture and I sent my picture, too. We were so sweet.

Days passed. I checked your account’s following and I found out that there were way many new ones. I crosschecked you and then you confirmed that you had moved on. You were approaching someone else. I was so broken. I was there and you chose another person to date with? I then questioned my appearance a lot. I questioned whether I looked so bad and stuff. I felt so bad. I felt weird. I felt betrayed. Why didn’t you show your love to me? I was wondering all day. 

I thought you were the one. I acted just as foolish as I was. I sent you hurtful texts. I cut all of my expectations and confirmed. Yes, you were not planning to go on a long-term one. All those times. You were just giving me mixed signals. I was deeply in love. You were my first fruitful romantic experience (pun is intended here). After then, I thought that I would never recover. Until this exact time that I’m writing this, I’m still trying to figure things out and I’m still trying to fix things up.

I do realize that we weren’t committed in any sense. We were just having fun, I suppose. It was just two dates! I was too hurry. All faults are on me and my attachment issues. I took things way too far. I thought it would be a long-term one. I hate that I might have hurt you. I put my expectations too high that I hurt both of us.

At the end of the day, this story makes me who I am. I shall appreciate what happened. I shall thank you for being there. We may not be together but you’ll, in fact, always be my first fruitful romance. I cannot change that fact. I wish you a good romantic life with the one that you love the most. I wish you a good life.

Thank you for being there and letting me to experience such a slightly absurd story.
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